This humour does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either my employer, my family, my friends, or my dog, cat or iguana (if I had a dog, cat or iguana - I do have two snakes and three finches but the humour doesn't not represent them either) or even myself (OK, maybe myself); don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; this joke distribution is copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this joke and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from it or include the joke in commercial publications without expressed written permission from the National Hockey League, Canadian Football league and Major League baseball; other copyright laws for specific jokes apply wherever noted; jokes are subject to change without notice; jokes are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; do not read the lyrics whilst listening to your CD; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this humorous offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal opportunity joke employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; quantities are limited by server space and while supplies last; if defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center; caveat emptor; keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down, no interest until Janurary 2052; no purchase necessary - details inside package; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken; call before you dig; for external use only; if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use imediately; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes; avoid contact with mucous membranes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120° Fahrenheit; do not place near flammable or magnetic source; smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text used in these jokes is made from 100% recycled electrons, 1's and 0's, and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes; no polititions were uses to test the hilarity of these jokes since they are the subject of many they will have no objectivity; no salt, MSG, artificial colour or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a humorologist; jokes are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; joke offer valid only at participating E-mail sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in the joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, unwanted children, flying projectiles, or dropping the item; other restrictions may apply; No Cholesterol. Dolphin Safe. Low in Fat. High Fiber.